May 8, 2007

What I've learned about me so far...

thanks to my spam!

In at least one of my email accounts, I decided not to filter spam. The reason is simple, I want to know what is 'out there' even in that territory. So I receive around 4 or 5 hundred emails per day, and just one hundred are really for me.

But I learned a lot about me thanks to the daily spam I get...

Some of those things are:

1. Even when my name is Sandra, I am obviously a man and one with severe sexual problems: my penis is too small, I can't maintain a long erection and I can't 'come' like a porno star (sic) so I need Viagra or Cialis or some other magic pills, that I can buy online much cheaper from pharmacies in Canada or Mexico (or who knows where)

2. I am terrible overweight and my only way to lose all that before summer is with 'completely safe' pills, natural herbs based on Hoodia or, of course, the Oprah trainer.

3. I hate my job and my boss, and I should be doing millions without leaving my home through the Internet working for Ebay or making Google work for me.

4. I must be extremely stupid: I could have received millions from different banks in Russia, Nigeria, and Middle East. I have also won the the EuroLotto several times but didn't cash it for the same reason I didnt get the money for the banks... stupid as I am I never answered those emails with the personal information they were requesting...stupid, stupid me...

5. Oprah is my God, so no matter what she endorses, recommends or uses I should too.

6. Good people out there loves me so much that they send me tips on stocks that for sure will skyrocket in just one week. And because I know Japanese and Russian and German, I receive emails in all those languages too...

7. Whatever I am paying for my loan or mortgage, is too much. I can get a better quote and erase my debt in just minutes!

8. I could have a degree without studying. I could just make a call and my new degree could be on its way...!

9. There are several 'secrets' out there that could make me feel fulfilled with my life and set me free. For just $69.99, I can have each of those secrets today and change my life tomorrow!

10. Last but not least, is not clear if I am over 30 and lonely, over 40 and single, over 50 and looking or if I am black or jewish or both. But I am lonely, single and looking. What makes sense, remember that I am a man with several sexual problems... etc etc etc :)

Now, this is the English version of my spam. For some reason, the spam I received from Argentina is completely different and has teached me that:

1. I am a DIY person. I want to buy CD's that will teach me from how to build bungalows, or do feng shui, to how to grow my own colony of escargots (snails).

2. My golf skills are really important for me, so I can also get a CD to learn the secret to lower my handicap

3. My life is a continuous party, so I am invited and in the VIP list of every club in Bs As.

4. I want to take a course on anything: from how to manage my small company, to how to take a course in taking courses... /:)

5. It doesn't matter what my business is about, there is someone that can make a website for me for 30 USD and someone that can sell me a list to 'email' (spam) and start all over again this vicious circle....

Now, talking a bit more seriously, spam in general is annoying but when they send you stuff that is not even near your interests (I am not a man ergo I do not have ED, I am not paying any loan or mortgage and I hate the concept of DIY) it goes from annoying to plain ridiculous....

No comments: